Sometimes They Die
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost. Branches Story 03 - Tai remembers his reaction on hearing of Matt's death. He also remembers that Matt left behind a brother - a brother in agony of loss and pain, a brother who needs a friend now more than ever.


_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together. _

_**Author's Note; 16th June 2008**__ – So much for putting up all the fics in reverse chronological order :-P Remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)._

* * *

**Sometimes They Die**

I kicked off my shoes into the corner as I walked through the front door.

"Hi mom!" I yelled blindly, in the next step throwing my bag down by the partition wall to the kitchen and in the third step yanking off my uniform jacket and throwing it on top of the bag.

It was then that I saw my sister on the sofa, curled up against my mom. She looked as though she'd been crying- a lot. I felt my face turn into a big scowl and walked up to them as they sat, all sad looking, on the sofa. Even Mom looked upset.

"Kari? Kari, what's wrong?" My mom was rocking her slightly, and she had her arm tight around her. Kari looked down, wiping her face with her hand.

"Kari? Please tell me…" I asked, getting down on my knees and lifting her face up until she was looking at me. I grinned.

"I'll have to act silly if you don't tell me."

"I can't…" She replied croakily, and looked at Mom for help. I looked up at Mom too, hoping she'd tell me what was wrong with Kari. Mom brushed her hair with her fingers and nodded. She looked at me.

"Tai. I need to talk to you."

"Why? What's happened?" I asked.

"Come on out into the kitchen." She said softly, grudgingly letting Kari go but letting her hand linger on her head for a moment as she stood.

I followed my mother out to the kitchen area. She sat down at the table and indicated for me to sit, so I did.

"It's not good news, Tai."

"I kinda figured that." I answered, trying to stay positive in spite of what my eyes told me.

"Kari was with TK today when his dad called to tell him some bad news." Suddenly I could taste my heart.

"What bad news?"

Mom put her hand on mine. She took a deep breath.

"Matt was killed today, Tai. He stepped out in front of a car on the way to school."

I paused for a moment. I felt shock creep in, and it made me feel…_numb_. In that split second, I chose to say something really odd. And then stuck with it for a long time.

"No. No, he isn't gone."

"I'm sorry, Tai. But he is, sweetheart." Mom got up to hug me, but I was too shocked to respond.

"No." I felt my voice get angry. Mom looked at me, a little confusion in her expression.

"Tai…? Honey…?" She let me go and inspected my face with her worried eyes. Suddenly, I couldn't be in the room anymore, the walls were turning in on me. I leapt up out of the chair, tipping it over backwards in my haste to leave.

"Just, _no_! Matt's _not _dead!" I stormed out of the kitchen and into my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

I heard Kari start to cry again.

"Why can't he just accept it, mama?" she sobbed. I heard my mom move across the floor back into the living room, making soft little comforting noises. I swept back across the room to the door angrily and yelled through it,

Because _he's not dead!_" I raced across the room and threw myself onto my bunk, my back to the world and my hands wrapped around my head. I was shivering- cold, even though the room was warm.

I felt so numb. It all felt wrong- unbalanced somehow. I tried to imagine my life without my best friend in it- and couldn't. My brain rejected the image.

"He's _not _dead…" I whispered to myself, trying not to cry.

My face and mind steeled.

"He's _not _dead."

* * *

A few hours later, I surfaced from the room. My mother turned worried eyes to me.

I glanced at her, but kept walking until I reached my coat.

"I'm going to Matt's place." I said, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. She leapt out of her chair and chased after me as I finished putting on my coat and opened the door.

"Tai! You can't go there!" Mom called. I turned to her.

"Why?" I asked, my face the picture of innocence.

"Because I really don't think…" Mom's words trailed off.

"Why do you want to go?" she asked on a new breath. I frowned.

"I want to see Matt, of course." I replied. I noted the look on her face.

"Tai… Matt's not there. You…you _do _know that. Don't you?"

I turned away and walked along the pathway from the apartment, towards the stairwells. Mom ran out after me.

"You can't go, Tai. You can't disturb Matt's dad right now."

"I promised I'd meet him tonight. We're going into town." I said mindlessly. Mom walked quickly alongside of me, soon overtaking me. She stopped in front of me, forcing me to a halt. She took my hand instantly and stroked my face.

"Come back inside. Tai. You're not going into town tonight. Come on…"

"No! I don't want to!" I stamped my foot like a bad tempered child. I couldn't believe I did that. Mom hugged me and I burst into tears on the middle of the landing.

"Come inside, honey. Come on, come and talk to mama." Mom's voice was soft and worried. Then I saw Dad walking towards us from the end of the walkway, from the direction of the stairs. His face fell as he saw mine.

"Tai? What's wrong, son?"

This made me cry all the more- but in all honesty, I had no idea what I was actually crying about. It wasn't Matt, I'd swear it. My fingers were loose in Mom's hand and I didn't want her to take me inside- I had somewhere to be, somebody to be there with. Or I _did_ have. At that point, I was still forcing myself to believe Matt wasn't dead.

Later that evening, Kari and I sat on either side of Mom on the sofa in the front room. Kari was curled up close to Mom and I rested my head on her shoulder.

I could hear my dad on the phone talking to somebody quietly. I didn't want to know who. I just wanted Matt to call- I was waiting to hear from him.

"I hope Dad isn't going to be too long on there, Mom. I need to have the line free in case Matt calls."

I didn't realise then that I was hurting Kari as much as I did. She thought I was crazy- but then I guess I was right then. Crazy with grief. She stood up then, looked at me and walked away into our bedroom.

My dad finally finished his conversation. He came over to me and sat on the arm of the sofa beside me and my mom.

"Tai?"

I looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry about Matt."

"Why?" I asked stupidly. Dad looked taken aback, but then reverted back to his 'concerned' expression.

"I know it's hard for you Tai. Losing your best friend must hurt a lot. But don't deny the pain because when it catches up with you, it'll just be worse."

"Oh, there's no pain, Dad." I said, innocently. "He'll call soon."

Dad sighed deeply.

"Okay, son."

He looked lost in thought for a moment.

"Tai? Come for a ride with me in the car. I want you to see somebody." Mom looked worriedly up at him- he'd obviously discussed the plan with her before he talked to me. He gave her an 'I think I know what I'm doing' look and lead me out to the car. I was surprisingly not like myself. I just let him take me out to the car and put me in it.

When we pulled up outside the hospital, I was confused to say the least. I didn't get what we were doing there. The nagging voice in my head was telling me 'This is where Matt died' and it was getting louder. I shook my head to be rid of it. It had been around for an hour or so, trying to convince me that Matt was gone.

We walked though corridors and I unconsciously slid my hand into my Dad's. I was so dead to emotion at the time, that I didn't even realise I was scared. Dad checked in with a woman at the front desk in a little corner of the hospital, who said that yes, something had been authorised by Mr Ishida, although he couldn't be here.

Dad held my hand tighter and tipped my face up until my eyes met his. I looked away, tears beginning to fill the eyes my Dad was staring into. I could feel the inevitable coming, and I was frightened of the impact. The voice was getting louder still, and I thought I knew where I was going. I was going to see Matt.

"Tai? I'm going to be right there with you, okay? I want you to see Matt. You have to understand that…That's he's not going to be with you anymore. That's not to say that he can't be your friend, it's just to say that… He's not going to be there physically. In spirit, if you were close enough, he'll always be there for you. Just remember him well and treat his memory with respect."

"Mm-hm." I nodded, tears splashing onto my Dad's hand.

"Okay, son. Okay." Soothed Dad, handing me a tissue from his pocket. I wiped my eyes with it.

"If I believe, can I just go home now?" I asked.

"That's up to you, Tai. Do you think you can really believe without seeing with your own eyes?" I paused for thought.

"No." I replied, wiping my eyes again.

Dad walked forward, never relinquishing his grip on my hand and opened a nearby door. It had been left unlocked for us. I felt myself shy back a little, but Dad tugged me into the room lightly and shut the door behind us.

I could hear myself breathing in the near-darkness of the room. As much as I remember the way it looked- that's burned into my mind forever, it's still one of the first things I think of in the darkness before I fall asleep sometimes- I remember the smell more.

It was a caustic smell. It almost smelt like carbolic- you know, that horrible disinfecting soap stuff. It smelt all wrong. I could just about smell the scent of floral cleaning solutions too- and the ever-present smell of surgical spirit, which must be a hospital thing.

Dad didn't let go of my hand as I walked a little closer. I could see Matt's profile laid out on the table in front of me in the dim light. It terrified me.

"He's dead." I stated. Dad just squeezed my hand.

"He's _very_ dead, isn't he?" I asked, feeling my throat fill with tightly controlled pain.

"He is, son." Dad sad, his voice uneven and quiet.

"I wanna go…" I said suddenly, trying desperately to push through my father, my eyes tracking to find anything I could fix on, anything at all.

"I wanna _go_!!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face. Dad grabbed my arms and tried to lead me outside, but then in an explosion of temper, I changed my mind.

Crying out, I pushed my dad away and raced across the room, sliding on the polished floor. Sobbing, I stopped right in front of Matt.

"I hate you! I _hate _you!!" I could feel myself sobbing, could hear it, but it was somewhere distant.

"I…_hate_ you…" I forced, feeling my dad's strong arms around my waist. Closing my eyes, I relished the darkness which meant I couldn't see my best friend without his life. And then I fell over.

I still remember how horrible he looked. He was covered to the shoulders, but his face… His face was empty, like a statue or a stone. Like, you know, those bas-relief things on old buildings, where the acid rain has wiped all their face off. He actually looked _dead_. Some people say about how people just look like they're asleep when they die, but Matt _looked _dead. But I still wanted him to get up, I still wanted him to get up and yell at me and hit me and care the way he always did. I didn't want that to change, I wanted it to always be the same. I wanted him to always be the Matt I knew. Suddenly I couldn't bear the thought of having been so mean as to say that I hated him.

"I…I don't hate you…I'm sorry, I don't…" I wept, my dad having to help me up from the floor. He kept his arms tightly around my waist, sensing my cry for help. "I'm sorry, I don't hate you really, I just sometimes forget how to love you when you hurt me…" I reached out to him then, but Dad pulled my arm back in.

"Tai… Tai, let it go son…"

"No, I have to…I'm sorry, Matt." I started to sob again. "You must've been in so much pain…" I tried not to imagine him bleeding on the floor, or being in pain or anything- but the image was there before I could stop it. I struggled against Dad a little, trying to get close enough to Matt to touch him.

"I love you…I'm sorry…I'm sorry you hurted…" Even my grip on language was failing.

"Come on, Tai. I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn't have brought you…"

"Nuh…You…you should've…" I tried to reply as my dad attempted to escort me away. I was too weak to struggle now. I looked back over my shoulder, still crying, as I was lead from the room.

"Bye." I waved sadly and weakly as I was gently pushed from the room. "Bye, Matt…"

* * *

The next morning was…odd. I felt like a prune, all dry and wasted. It was like you could have stuck a pin in me and I'd never have felt it. It was kinda scary in a way, because I didn't care about anything. Mom knew that it was all wrong when I forgot to eat. I don't _ever_ forget to eat.

Mom woke me up first thing in the morning to tell me that I didn't have to go to school if I didn't want to. After I'd arrived back home last night, I just threw myself into her arms and cried until the early hours. I slept pretty soundly though, despite being haunted by the memory of Matt's body on that slab.

I didn't feel like going to school. I guess I should've, but I couldn't brush up my will enough.

When Izzy called, I could tell that he knew. His voice was all weak and tight and strange. I figured either Mom had taken it upon herself to call our friends when I was gone or that Mr Ishida had asked them to do the 'friend calling' when Dad called to get my little visit arranged.

I kinda said,

"You know about him, then?"

"Yeah."

"It's just so stupid, isn't it? He's spent so much time running around in the Digiworld, beating up monsters and dodging attacks and then he comes back and gets hit by a car." Izzy laughed bitterly.

"Yeah. It does seem intensely pointless."

He paused.

"Who's going to inform Gabumon?"

I silenced. I didn't want to be the one, I knew that. I sometimes feel that Matt was closer to Gabumon than he was to me. Sora did it in the end- we hoped that her compassion would help him accept, but I don't think it really did.

Put it this way- Gabumon didn't like it.

I spent a lot of time sitting on the balcony that day. I had a sketchbook and I was just doodling. This was as close as I wanted to get to going out. I looked up at the sky, at the clouds. They were small and puffy, but most of all they were white and the sky was blue. It didn't make sense that the sky could be happy- but then, it had just inherited Matt so it had every reason to be.

"It's not fair." I whispered to myself. "'Cos _I _want him."

I tried not to let my mind slip back to his body. I shivered.

"I wonder if you were alive this time yesterday?

"You know, I _wish_ you would've let me convince you to do something on Saturday. It would have been nice to have once last fun memory, you know?

"I mean, you _know _you wanted to see that movie. You just had to 'catch up on homework'.

"_Nobody_ puts away popcorn like _you _do. Not even me."

I sighed. I watched as a small bird flew across the sky to it's home in a tree not far away. I stared blankly at it for a while, as it flicked it's head to and fro, flitting across branches and occasionally pecking at bark. I sighed, just watching it.

I could hear birds twittering. It was a pretty rare thing to hear, but I guess stuck up in a high building, you get to hear it more. More than that, I could hear the cars down below, the various city noises. The movement of people going around in their lives. In their _lives_.

I got up and hung over the side of the balcony. Staring down, I watched as people passed below me. Most of them looked either intent on where they were going, or bored. I couldn't help but think,

'If you're bored with your life, you could always give it to Matt.' I closed my eyes and sighed inwardly.

"Matt, you're a God-damned idiot.

"Don't tell me you didn't see that car- because you must've. I know you must have. You don't just…walk out into roads and step in front of cars. Don't you know anything?" I mumbled to myself sadly. "The cars nearly always win."

I opened my eyes, finding them filled with tears. I blinked them out and went back to hanging over the balcony.

I could just about see the park from my place. Everywhere reminded me of Matt. The park, the walkway outside my apartment block- that tree at the front of the veranda that we used to sit by…

My hand drifted down and I jumped as something furry brushed across it. I looked down to see Miko staring up at me, his cat-eyes inquiring as to why I was miserable. I stroked him behind the ears, and across his chest, where he likes it.

"_Mew_?"

"I'm okay, Miko."

"_Mraaow_."

"Don't be like that." I sighed and looked out across the sky again.

"I'm thinking about my friend."

"_Mrew_?" Miko jumped up to my hand, purring.

"Thanks, cat." I smiled, continuing to stroke him.

"Darn it, Matt.

"I hate you because you're stupid, but I love you because you're my friend.

"But just because I love you doesn't mean I'm not mad as Hell at you. I am _so mad_. What did you think you were doing? Stomping off like that and getting yourself killed. What were you and-"

My eyes widened.

"God! TK!" I gasped and ran back into the apartment, scattering Miko across the bedroom, ears flat against his head.

TK's brother had just died and I hadn't even called to ask how he was.

Stopping at the phone, I paused to remember what TK's number was and then dialled it. It rang three times before the answering machine kicked in.

"You have reached the answering machine of Nancy and TK. We're sorry we're not available to take your call at this time, but please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can" I sighed. I really didn't like answering machines, but didn't think just showing up on the doorstep was such a wise idea. After all, they'd just lost a member of family- they probably didn't want to be disturbed at all.

"Hi. Uh…TK? It's me…um…Tai." I sighed. I could feel my voice shiver in the sigh, meaning that tears were on their way again. "I'm sorry, man. About…you know." My voice cracked a little, despite the fact I was trying to hold it steady.

"I'm, um…Sorry I didn't call before. It was...you know?" I laughed at myself. "Yeah, _you know_. I just wanted to let you know that…well…If there's anything… I know there isn't, not really, but… Am I making any sense here? No? I…I didn't think so… Truth is, TK, I don't know what to say."

I heard the phone pick up at the other end. There was silence for a moment, and then I heard a weak, unfamiliar voice.

"Tai?"

"TK? Is that you?"

There was a pause.

"Yes."

"Hey." I said softly.

There was no response.

"How you doin'?"

Still no response.

"TK? You still there, dude?"

"It was my fault, Tai." TK sniffed. He still sounded strange, not right at all.

Like there was no hope in him.

"I'm sure that's not true, TK.

"I mean, you weren't there when he-"

I was interrupted.

"No.

"You don't understand.

"It was _my fault_."

"I don't believe it. Not a word."

"You didn't see."

"TK, you didn't push him, did you?" I was getting mad. This was the kind of behaviour I expected from the man himself- not from TK. He gasped.

"No. I would never-"

"Then it _wasn't _your fault."

"We…we fought…" TK broke down in tears.

"That doesn't automatically make it your fault. You're not- weren't- you weren't responsible for Matt." My voice softened. Suddenly TK burst into a torrent of tears, so much so that he couldn't even speak to me.

"I…want him to…come…home…" He forced when he could, between sobs.

"Home? But…"

"I _know _home to him was never _here_, but…

"But now he's _gone_…" TK wept. I heard something go crashing to the floor.

"TK? TK are you all right?" I asked, trying not to cry myself at his grief.

"T's…stupid phone…" TK sobbed, and I heard the sound of it being dragged across the carpet.

"TK? Is Mom there with you? Is Mom there?" I asked, instinct over this smaller, hurting creature prevailing.

"No…No, she's not…She had to go out to see the funeral people, or Dad or something and I'm waiting for her to come back. She is coming back, isn't she, Tai?"

"Sure she is, small fry."

"I'm not gonna be alone, am I?"

"No, you're not. I'm coming over to see you, TK, is that okay?"

"Yes."  
"I'm coming right over, okay?"

"Yes" he sobbed.

"Everybody's gone away and nobody cares that I care!" TK cried, his hysterics getting worse.

"I care, TK. Really, I care."

"Matt didn't!"

"Yes he did, little guy, he always cared."

Whatever I said at that point was instinctive. I had no idea what I was saying or if I was helping or any of that stuff. I just had to try and calm TK down and get to him as quickly as I could.

"Yeah. He did, didn't he? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… he did…

"Oh, God, Tai, I hope he didn't hear me just then…

"I hope he didn't hear me just then…

"If he heard me, he'll _never_ come home…"

"TK, I'm coming right round, okay? Or do you want me to stay on the phone?"

"I don't want to be alone…"

"Okay. Okay…

"TK, I want you to call Yolei or Cody and get them down there with you, okay? I don't want you to be alone, either…"

"No…I want Matt…"

"Dude, you…you can't have Matt."

"Then I don't want anybody."

The phone went dead. I spent half a second realising what was happening, and the other half deciding what to do next.

Minutes later, I was rushing down the street. On the way past the entrance to my apartment building, I touched the tree me and Matt used to sit under when it was too hot to move. Kinda felt nice to know it was still there, even though we wouldn't be sitting under it anymore.

I tried to concentrate on where I was going and what I was doing. Didn't want to end up like Matt- dead and soon to be buried. I tried to force the image of his body out of my head again. But it wouldn't go away.

Looking anywhere but inside my own head, I gazed at the world around me. I batted an insect away from my face. The warmth of spring was on my body and every damn tree was sprouting leaves or blossoms.

I sighed, trying not to hear the laughter of some little kids that swept over me when I walked past the park. The grass was green and it waved a little in the warm breeze. I tried to make memories of sitting in the park go away, but they weren't interested.

I had to concentrate on TK. Not Matt, but TK.

When I got to TK's apartment and knocked on the door, there was no response. TK knew I was coming, so I pushed the door, wondering if it had been left on the latch for me. It had, and I walked in.

There was a line of paper tissues wandering from the phone to the doorway into the front room. I followed it to find TK sitting in a corner, facing the wall. He was sitting cross-legged, both hands on the wall and his head lowered.

"TK?" I asked, approaching him carefully.

"Go 'way." TK croaked, his voice pale and scratchy.

I sat behind him, crossing my own legs. I looked at his back and when it appeared obvious that he wasn't going to turn, I put one hand on it.

"I should…I should never…" TK began, and then fell silent. We sat for a while in the silence.

"I can't cope with this, Tai. It hurts too much."

"I know. I…I can't imagine, TK, how you feel. I lost my best friend-" My voice broke- "and that hurts enough, it really does. But…but you had Matt from the beginning…"

"If I'd kept my mouth shut…

"Should always have kept my mouth shut…

"Should never have made him want to go…"

"Shh, TK. Don't hurt yourself more."

"I can't…I can't do this, Tai… I can't…" TK's voice disappeared, as though into some kind of vortex somewhere.

"You have to keep trying. I know that, right now, it's more grief than you can hold in your body, that you want it to just come out so it stops hurting… But it's not as easy as that."

"Why?" TK asked, his voice sour.

"I don't know, it just…_isn't_"

"I just…want it to go away, and stop hurting, like you said. But…but there was only ever a few people and…and…"

"I know, TK. I know Matt was one of them, and that I haven't got a hope of being able to help you like he could…I know…" I wiped my face in my other hand.

"It's not even… It's…"

TK stopped talking.

"Sometimes…Sometimes, TK, it hurts so much you can't even describe it. That's how I feel right now. I feel…empty and all closed off… I guess you do too, but more. I don't know. I had to…My dad… He took me to see Matt yesterday, after he was gone. It was…horrible. He wasn't in there, Matt wasn't there anymore…"

I stopped when I realised TK was shaking.

"I don't wanna… Don't wanna remember him the way I do now. I _hurt_ him… I never thought it would make him leave…I never thought I wouldn't get a chance to apologise…I want to…I do…"

"I know, TK. I know…" I rubbed his back, wanting to hug him- but knowing that he had to make the first move. He _had _to request it from me. It was one of those things where you _want_ to do something, but until the person you want to help says yes, you can't do anything. It's not normally the way I do things, but this time I had to be careful. TK was so hurt.

"I don't deserve your help."

"Why, small fry?"

"Because I don't. I made my big brother go away.

"_I_ made him go.

"_I _made him."

"Oh…_God_, Tai, I _miss_ my oniichan."

We sat there for a long while, just me and TK, him always with his back to me, always keeping me at arms length- never wanting proper comfort. Never believing that he deserved any kind of help, even though Matt himself would have shed tears over his grief.

"I can't help you if you won't let me, TK."

"I don't want your help."

* * *

The funeral seemed like weeks after Matt's death. Whether time passed over a longer period, or if it just seemed that way, I don't know. In total contrast to the day after his death, it was cold, dank and dreary- like most of the people standing at the graveside. Matt's dad looked totally absent and TK was burying his face in his mom's coat. I gazed around at all the people. Matt's life mightn't have been that long, but he sure had made a lot of acquaintances in that time. That was the word he used for most people who weren't Digidestined. 'Acquaintances'. I almost felt sorry that they would never know him like I did.

I'd never seen so much black. Everybody, all the mourners were wearing black, there weren't even any grey variants. Poor TK was so pale that he looked like a ghost in that black outfit, something which didn't suit him at all.

I looked down at Kari and she tightened her grip on my arm as the service continued. The breeze swept through the trees, blowing some of the new blossoms off the branches- scattering them all over the graveyard. Some of them found their way to the top of Matt's coffin.

I looked at the wooden box for a long time, reading and re-reading the brass plaque. Matt was more than a name and a couple dates- the plaque couldn't describe him, couldn't pay tribute enough to him.

I tried not to imagine him in that dark room- and shivered, out of tune with the chill in the air.

I failed again to 'not remember'.

Carbolic…

_Car_…

What a connection. The first three letters of the smell that hung around a morgue spelled the name of what killed my best friend. My brain wandered around pointlessly, just wishing that the funeral would be overwith so I could go home and bury myself in bed. I should have wanted to say more goodbyes, but he was gone. What more could I say than goodbye?

At the reception I noticed TK slink off into his room. I steeled myself, put on my brave face and followed him.

When I walked in and found him all alone, back to the door, crying without sound I just thought how upset Matt would be if he could see TK this way- as I had before in TK's apartment. He loved TK to pieces- he'd have drunk poison for him, I know that much.

Eventually, I figured getting the others in here was my best bet. TK wasn't responding to anything I'd done over the past few days and he wouldn't let anybody near him. If the room was full of his friends, what else could he do but listen?

I made a mental note of Jun as she stood sadly to one side, gazing at pictures on the wall. I didn't invite her- really, I didn't think she would help.

"I guess I'll still remember him most for what he did for me when Digitamamon was making my life hard." Joe said, pushing up his glasses. TK nodded.

"I remember. He always remembered what you did for me, too."

"Really?"

"Yeah." TK nodded again. He seemed to be coming out of himself. Emerging a little bit from his grief. He had some of the blue back in his eyes- a warmer shade than the icy blankness that had been there up until now.

"He always remembered."

"I figured Matt was a dates person. He always remembered important dates and times and places. The little things." Sora said. She looked straight ahead for a moment, and sniffed. She was facing the wall, and I guess she figured none of us would be able to tell she was crying. She didn't need to say anything, because we knew.

I leaned forward and flicked my fingers against her arm. She spun around to look at me and I smiled reassuringly. After all, somebody had to be the strong one. Again. Only now I didn't have any competition for the role of leader- and in some ways, though it was what I'd always wanted- it was horrible. I hated it. It meant I didn't have Matt to point at and say 'This is _your _fault' because it wasn't. It was mine.

I guess in some kind of odd way, I could have blamed Matt- but that didn't seem fair.

"Could've been famous." Yolei said softly.

"Nah. He would never have liked it." TK smiled. "No privacy, no real love, no…" He stopped as he realised he was giving away Matt's deepest secrets. I stroked his back and grinned.

"Well, at least wardrobe doesn't have to wait three hours for him to finish doing his hair!" Izzy giggled slightly at my comment, and eventually a little ripple of laughter spread across the room. TK smiled again- something that was increasing in frequency.

Gradually though, the room emptied and that was when TK and I had that little 'discussion' about Matt being an idiot. TK was so engrossed in his belief that he was totally to blame that he wouldn't believe it was Matt's fault- wouldn't believe that it was really his fault for raging off and not paying attention.

It hurt. When TK yelled at me, it hurt and that was why I bit back at him the way I did. We both said some harsh things, but in the end… I think it just brought us closer. I felt like I had adopted a little brother. Which I guess in a way, I already had.

"I'm sorry, Tai… I shouldn't have been so mean…I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay, little guy. It's okay…"

"It wasn't was it? It wasn't…just me?"

"It wasn't _at all_ you." I replied, wiping my face on my shirt sleeve. "You know, Matt would tell you the same thing." He pulled out of our hug and looked at me for a moment.

"He _would_, TK." TK looked down and away for a moment, and then his gaze met mine again.

"He would…Wouldn't he?" he asked, faltering. I just nodded and leaned forward to hug him again. He didn't push me away, he just surrendered to my powerful bear-hug.

"I'm sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

He pushed his face into my neck like he was trying to block out the world. I nearly melted into sobs myself at this point. It was nice though, to think that I might have gone some way in helping him cope without Matt.

"It _does_ get better."

"It does?"

"Yeah. It does, TK."

"Are you sure I won't feel this way forever?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you won't feel this way forever." I smiled and tried not to laugh at the innocence in his question.

"You miss him too, don't you?" TK asked me, his voice muffled in my shirt. I winced, and he must have felt it.

"I'm sorry." He drew back again.

"It's okay. You're all right.

"Yes. I do miss him. I miss him like Hell."

"You guys did everything together."

"Well, most stuff."

"He loved you too, you know that?" TK's almost flippant comment left me gobsmacked.

"I…I guess I did. I suppose…"

"He did." TK reassured. "You guys might have had the oddest relationship I've ever seen, but… You meant a lot to him."

"He meant a lot to me, too. He really did."

TK smiled.

"Of course he did.

"I know that.

"After all, he meant a lot to me too."

I might have promised TK that the pain goes away, but I'm not even sure if I believe that myself. It still feels as though there's something missing when I walk past that tree, or when I go to see a movie and he's not there. Sometimes I turn and almost expect to find sitting beside me.

It's not fair.

But then, what is?

I guess I should be glad he had a life at all.

I should be glad I had the chance to love him, and for him to be my friend.

It just hurts so much.

To have something special and then to have it taken away, and not realise until it's gone, until you're told you can't have it anymore.

But I guess eventually it _will _get better. I won't forget, but it won't hurt so much.

And I _am_ glad though.

I'm glad he was my friend.

Life goes on, no matter how hard you want it to stop sometimes.

Life goes on.

It has to.

_-fini-_

_Thank you for reading to the end :) Hope you enjoyed reading my little fic! :-D_


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